she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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