May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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