i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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