YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
