Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
