i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
a search helicopter?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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