Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
worst night to have a conscience
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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