Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
