it wasn't lemon gatorade
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
