I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
