nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
