so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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