I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
