I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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