Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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