So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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