dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
