shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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