i think my tv is drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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