You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
