I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
