we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
