Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize