i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
