i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
