It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
