It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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