Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
