Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
