Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
