So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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