It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
