Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
