What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
