Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
