I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
