how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
