I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
