my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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