she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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