If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
