I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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