can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
