I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
