i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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