how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
