I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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