Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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