Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
