I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
