You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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