what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
