do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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