Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
