I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
