it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My cat gives me a boner
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
