I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
