I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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