Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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