didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize