the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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