Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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