Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
