omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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