She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize