So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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